A little bit of fear, a little bit of excitement... a whole lotta nerves.

I seriously need to sleep more.  I'm so tired  

*wave*

And live to tell about it.   

That's the headliner of this article... did you know that only 51% of the American population is married?  I thought that was rather shocking seeing as everywhere I turn.. there are couples.  I guess being a couple does not denote marriage but... isn't that normally the regular transition?  Hrmm... 

I admit, when I hear relationship problems... breakups/divorces... I say to myself "Boy, I'm glad I'm single."  Granted this doesn't happen THAT often but I really do hate the heartache... I really dislike going through the motions "every" single time... and sure, sometimes I'm the heart/will-breaker but I really don't like being that person.  I don't choose to live through life this way, I just figure I'm going to avoid it when I think a break-up is impending.  

I hate being completely encompassed by it.  The excitement at the beginning... the messaging, the courting, the flirting.. it's all very exciting, and it makes you feel so special... to think that someone else in this world - be it a brand new stranger or a dear old friend (if you're lucky! ha!)... thinks you're pretty darn special.  Special enough to message you multiple times a day, waste time thinking about you... wondering what you're doing and wishing you were closer than not.  Sometimes it dies though... sometimes someone just disappears into the dark of the night without ever explaining why you weren't "the one".  Then there's the tumultuous (usually female) thought of "what's wrong with me? Why doesn't he/she like me? What did I do?" when in reality, there isn't anything wrong with you... you just weren't compatible.. you weren't what that person envisioned and you did everything perfectly.  You started dreading yourself, wondering "what if"... what if you were a little skinnier, if you were a little cuter, wore the 'right' type of clothing... maybe he/she would have stuck around... maybe you could have been "the one"... just maybe.  

But no... there's no such thing as "just maybe's" in real life.  You are, or you aren't... it's not what you do, it's not the way you dress or the way you do your hair.  it's you... and that person didn't have the right 'eyes' to see how perfect you really are.  

Yes, sometimes it does scare me to think that maybe God's plan.. isn't the same as MY plan.  Somedays, I'm OK with that... some days, I'm really not.  I don't want to be old and alone... no one really does... I remember in that article (the first one) one of the interviewees said "I never found a home in the arms of a man."  Wow.  That's one of my favourite parts about being in a relationship... fitting perfectly into someone's arms... and feeling so safe, comfortable and loved there.   Sure, I miss those... sure, I have a lot of love to give but (currently) no one really to give it to..

So.. with hope, trust and faith in God... I continue to remind myself that He has helped me get through many obstacles before... before I even knew I had an issue, He already had a solution.  I need not worry about things I have no control over - I need to tackle each and every day with happiness, optimism, love and concern for all those around me.  

Yes, 29 is creeping up upon me... but I lose no faith.

*wave*